Channeling Kaoru
by starry night blue
Summary: Despite her ability to see ghosts, Haruhi had no interest in helping them. However, when Kaoru's ghost comes along, something about him makes her change her stance.
1. Chapter 1

**D/C: I don't own OHSHC. **

**I was reading the OHSHC manga the other day and I was suddenly struck by the desire to write a twins x Haruhi fic...yes, again. I can't get enough of those. So I had my characters, but I really didn't have a plot or anything, and I just sat staring at my laptop until finally, Ghost Whisperer boomed in the background and I got my idea! I just borrowed the concept of being able to talk to ghosts, that's all. Hehe. Anyway, this seemed like a good plot to pass, so...enjoy!!**

**One Last Time**

**Chapter 1: **

_"Why are you the only one I can't see, okasa?_

_I mean, okasa...I would like to see you, too. _

_Just for once. One last time, please." _

-

Ouran High School was one of the largest, most prestigious schools in Japan. Its campus building was huge and looked nothing like a school, but more like a castle. The inside of said "castle" was as huge and beautiful on the inside as it was on the outside, with marble staircases and crystal chandeliers and stained glass windows and vast hall rooms. The "castle" grounds were picturesque, with green courtyards and bubbling fountains and pretty rose bushes.

The students who attended this high school were rich and came from a long line of respectable families, royal families, esteemed politicians and wealthy businessmen. In this marvelous place that was Ouran High School, special student Haruhi Fujioka felt out of place. Not only was her family quite anonymous, but she was also rather poor...or in other words, a "commoner". Not to mention the fact that she couldn't afford the school's creamy yellow uniform, and had to show up in her regular clothes every day - that made it very difficult for her not to attract attention.

However, not even one person spared her the briefest of looks today. Everyone was rushing towards music room number 3; they all had a look of utmost distress on their faces, a lot of girls were in tears, the boys looked absolutely shocked. Haruhi wasn't even slightly curious; she felt a sense of detachment to this school, and only cared about going to her classes and returning home once the final bell rang.

But when she tried to move away from the crowds, they just pushed her back and dragged her along with them. She struggled to break free of the masses, but in vain. Ultimately, she found herself near the front of the crowd, right next to the music room's door. A red-haired boy was standing across from her, dressed from head to toe in chain mail; he really looked out of place amongst all the other students who were merely wearing their regular uniforms. She stared at him, and he stared back at her, as if trying to determine whether she was looking at him or at someone else. It would be difficult for him to figure that out because she was wearing a pair of thick glasses.

Someone grabbed her by the scruff of her neck and pulled her back as a couple of medics rushed towards the music room, pushing a stretcher in front of them. As the medics entered, everyone collected around the door, trying to catch a glimpse of what was happening inside. Haruhi didn't move; she continued to stare at the redhead in the chain mail, and he continued to stare back at her, looking completely unfazed by the excitable students.

The students shrank back as the medics came out of the room a couple of minutes later. The stretcher was now bearing a redhead wearing chainmail. His eyes were closed, and he looked as if he were in a deep slumber. Another redhead in chainmail rang alongside the stretcher. Tears were streaming down this boy's cheeks, and he was screaming, repeating a name over and over again.

"Kaoru! Kaoru! _Kaoru!!_"

Four other boys wearing knight armor followed closely at his heels - one of them was bawling, and the other was speaking urgently on his phone. Haruhi frowned - was this the notorious Host Club? She switched her attention back to the boy who had been staring at her. He was now regarding the crying boy with a sad expression. His whole face was contorted into an expression of pain. Haruhi didn't like this; she didn't like this at all. She started to back away, but the boy's honey-colored eyes caught her like a deer in headlights.

"Shit," she whispered, quickly averting her gaze. She turned and started to wrestle her way through the crowds. "Excuse me, excuse me. Coming through, coming through!"

No-one was cooperating, and it took her several minutes to become free, and she dashed down the corridor. She cast a look over her shoulder to make sure the boy wasn't following her, and was glad to see that he wasn't. But she had to get out of here; she had to leave before he found her.

Haruhi Fujioka was a special student because she was intelligent and scored the top grades in her elementary school, which entitled her to a full scholarship at Ouran High School. However, she was also special in the sense that she was able to see dead people.

She hadn't always been able to see them. They say that when you go through a perilous experience, your perception of things amplifies. Haruhi was six years old when she and her mother were caught in a car accident. Haruhi had come out with a broken leg, but her mother, who had protected her daughter with her body, had died on the way to the hospital. During her brief stay at the hospital, she started seeing people others couldn't see. She listened to them when no-one else did. When she started talking to them, her father was quick to take her back home.

But from that day on, Haruhi had been able to see and communicate with ghosts and spirits. She didn't tell anyone other than her father, and even he wasn't quick to believe her. He also made her swear that she wouldn't tell anyone, and she never did. But the dead people always found her; they know she can see them and they come to her for help. Haruhi was generally not interested in offering any help to the spirits, and she always made it clear to them...however, they always kept coming. Day and night, they kept popping in her house, asking her to help them.

That boy back there had seen her, and had known that she could see him. She wanted to kick herself - why did she always have to stare at the dead people? Why couldn't she just look away?

Haruhi didn't want that boy on her case, especially since he was probably a rich, whiny brat. The "commoner" ghosts were bad enough, and she hated to imagine what a rich "ghost" was like. She was hoping that she'd be able to lose him in her neighborhood; she doubted he'd be able to find his way around that place. She usually went home walking, but she felt like she would have a better chance of losing the kid if she were to hail a cab.

And so she did. She fidgeted nervously all the way home, always twisting around in her seat to look out the window. There was no sign of the boy so far, but that didn't stop her from being extremely restless.

Upon arriving home, she quickly paid the cab fair and stumbled out of the car. She looked around frantically as she dashed up the staircase that led to her apartment. Her hands shook badly as she tried to unlock the door, causing her to drop the keys several times. It didn't help that a ghost decided to surprise her at that moment.

"Haruhi-kun..." he whispered eerily.

"Gah!" she cried, spinning around so quickly that she tripped on her own two feet. She crashed to the floor, landing on her bum. "_Itai..._"

"Haruhi-kun, I need your help," he whined, hovering close to her.

The iciness of the aura around him sent a shiver up her spine, and she gritted her teeth. "Morita-san, I keep telling you to move on; I can't help you," she snapped, picking up her keys and scrambling off of the floor. This time she successfully managed to unlock the door. "I'm rather busy today, so please leave me alone."

She walked inside and slammed the door shut. She was just starting to slip out of her shoes when she felt the icy presence hovering behind her. But of course, closed doors couldn't block out ghosts...and it's not like they ever had the decency to knock, anyway.

"Please, Haruhi-kun, I have to apologize to my wife for yelling at her before leaving to work," he said. "Can you imagine how horrible it is to live with the knowledge that the last thing I said to her was 'Leave me alone, bitch!'? Huh? Can you?"

Haruhi had to struggle to keep herself from saying that he really wasn't entitled to use the word "live". She glared at him instead. "Look, if you're going to beat yourself up about it, then you shouldn't have yelled at her in the first place!" she snapped. "Now leave me the hell alone!"

The ghost actually pouted, but he did turn and leave now. Haruhi heaved a weary sigh and staggered over to her kitchen counter. She stood over the sink, turned the tap on and splashed her face with water. It was exhausting, trying to deal with ghosts - it always left her feeling rather drained. She poured herself a glass of milk and trudged to the living room. Settling down at the kotatsu, she switched the TV on and started flicking between the channels.

As she sipped her milk, she found her mind involuntarily drifting back to music room number 3. The face of that redhead filled her mind and she wondered vaguely about the way he'd died. He was still so young, and he was in the school, so that ruled out the possibilities of car accidents and the like. Then she remembered the other redhead, the dead boy's twin...his screams rang in her ear, and she couldn't begin to block them out.

Despite herself, she wondered where the dead twin was. Maybe they'd managed to revive him? Maybe they had jolted him back to life? Haruhi highly doubted it, but still...for the other twin's sake. She smacked her forehead; why was she even thinking about them? This was not like her. She folded her arms across the kotatsu and rested her head against them, and it wasn't long before she'd drifted off to sleep.

She wasn't sure for how long she'd slept, but she certainly didn't like the way she was woken up.

"You!"

Haruhi jumped, knocking over her glass and spilling the milk all over the surface of the kotatsu. She felt an icy presence close to her and she gritted her teeth; maybe if she ignored this ghost they'll leave her alone. However, she had jumped in surprise.

"Wow, something just pricked me and I spilled the milk," she murmured, picking up the now-empty glass. "I'd better clean this up."

Trying to appear as casual as possible, she got up to her feet and started for the kitchen, but her way was cut short by the ghost. She had planned to walk right through him, but she froze in her tracks when she saw who it was. The redhead in the chainmail. Now that he was standing right in front of her, she could see that he was a head taller than her. She wanted to look at him, but she didn't wish to risk him knowing that she can see him.

"I know you can see me," he said hoarsely, his bottom lip quivering. "I saw you staring at me back at Ouran."

_So much for ignoring him_, she thought. She placed a hand on her hip. "So?" she said irritably.

"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, kami-sama," he whispered. He tried to grip her shoulders, but his hands went right through her. While an icy sensation passed through her, the boy's eyes welled with tears. "Please, you have to help me."

"I'm sorry, but I don't offer services to the dead," she replied, trying to walk past him.

"No! You have to! You _have _to!" he pleaded.

"Look, I'm sorry you died, but move on at your own pace and leave me alone, will you?" she snapped.

He clutched his head. His knees sagged. "Not me. I could care less about what happens to me," he croaked, and she frowned at him; this was the first time a ghost said that to her. "But please, I'm begging you; don't let my brother die. Hikaru...he's going to kill himself. You have to stop him!"

-

**A/N: Well...erm, I really don't know what to say; this story seriously came out of nowhere, and before I knew it, I had one complete chapter. Since I'm feeling quite enthusiastic about this, I reckon I'll be updating often. Anyway, I'd love to hear your opinions - please review! :3**

_- S. N. B. _


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I don't own OHSHC. **

**Hi again! Thank you all for the lovely reviews you sent for my last chapter; they made me quite happy! Some of you asked if I'm going to reveal the truth about Kaoru's death, that will come as the story goes along. Here's a question for you: don't you find it annoying when you want to write a Haruhi x Twins fic and you can't find a "Twins" option in the Character List? It really does annoy me. **

**Anyway, enjoy!**

**One Last Time**

**Chapter 2:**

_"Hikaru...he's going to kill himself. You have to stop him!" _

Haruhi vaguely remembered this Hikaru. She remembered him running alongside the stretcher, crying, screaming his brother's name. He looked completely devastated, but would he really kill himself? She frowned at the ghost. Back at school, he looked upset, but now he was looking absolutely terrified. He looked genuinely scared for his brother. He was on all fours now, and his shoulders shook as he wept.

She cursed under her breath. It was one thing if they were talking about helping a ghost, but she was being asked to help a living being...one who wanted to end his life. She couldn't have that on her conscience; if the other twin died as well, she's going to keep anguishing over the fact that she could've stopped him.

"Get a hold of yourself. I'll help you out," she muttered, and he slowly looked up at her. "Let's go now before it's too late."

It was getting dark and cold outside, so she threw on a coat and beckoned the ghost to follow her out of the house. She noticed that his footing was shaky, and his eyes were still observing things with a look of uncertainty; he was obviously still not used to being dead. When she accidentally closed the door as he was walking through it, he let out a soft whimper, and she rolled her eyes; she really hated rich brats.

"Be careful not to sink through the flooring," she warned him, and he shot her an alarmed look. "I'm serious; concentrate on walking on the ground. I can't pull you out if you go under."

"O-okay," he said, nodding.

He had a look of utmost concentration on his face as they descended the stairs, which Haruhi thought was rather amusing. "You didn't tell me where we're heading," she pointed out. "Where can we find your brother?"

The ghost didn't look at her. "Umm...the Ootori Hospital Facility. They took me there when..." his murmured, and his voice trailed off.

Haruhi gave him an impatient look. "When you died?" she prompted him, and he nodded. She noticed that he had tears in his eyes again and she sighed; she probably shouldn't be so mean to him. After all, he was just a kid, and he certainly didn't see his death coming any time soon. She decided she'd be more sympathetic from now on. As she hurried down to the main street, she looked around at him, still stumbling in his footsteps. "I'm Haruhi, by the way."

The corners of his mouth lifted in a small smile. "I'm Kaoru," he replied.

"I'm sorry that you died," she offered.

"Thank you."

Upon reaching the main street, Haruhi quickly hailed a cab. She made a discreet gesture for Kaoru to get inside, and she climbed in after him. "Ootori Hospital Facility, please," she told the driver. "And could you get us there quickly?"

The driver took off, and Haruhi settled back on the seat. Next to her, Kaoru sat upright, his hands clasped together in his lap. He looked out of his mind with worry, and she felt the sudden need to assure him that all was going to be okay, but at the same time, she didn't want the cab driver to think she's insane. So she tried to imagine what it would be like to talk to the other twin. Would he believe her? Would she be able to get to him in time?

During the few times when Haruhi had actually helped a ghost, the people she'd had to interact with called her crazy. They told her she was such a bitch for trying to play with their emotions. She thought she was a phony. Only the desperate ones believed her, but with those people, she suspected that they'd be willing to believe anything at that time. That was part of the reason why she refused to help ghosts. Another reason was that she couldn't deal with people's tragedies. Several years had passed and she was still unable to cope with her mother's death. She didn't need to have the weight of everyone's sorrows on her shoulders, too.

She rested her head against the window and watched as the cars whizzed past them, all the time hoping that Hikaru would at least stop to listen to her. It would be sad if both twins were to die on the very same day. Their parents wouldn't be able to cope.

"We're here," Kaoru suddenly whispered.

He had been quiet through the last twenty minutes, and Haruhi was grateful for that. She looked out at the hospital facility through her window, and saw that it was one of those modern-looking buildings, all glass windows and no proper walls. The driver dropped her off right in front of the door and Haruhi immediately headed inside the building, with Kaoru close at her heels. She made her way towards the reception desk, where a young woman with bleached hair was sitting.

"Hello, and welcome to the Ootori Hospital Facility," the woman said pleasantly. "How may I help you?"

"Hi, I'm here to see..." she said, and paused; she didn't know the boy's full name.

"Kaoru Hitachiin," Kaoru whispered urgently.

Haruhi made a show of panting and gasping for air in order to hide her pause. "...Kaoru Hitachiin, please!" she continued. "He was admitted to this hospital today."

The receptionist smiled sympathetically. "The young boy, right?" she asked, and Haruhi nodded. "I'm really sorry about him. Was he a friend of yours?"

"He...he was a very close friend," Haruhi blurted out. "I was out of the country, but when I was informed of the news, I took the next plane back home. I would really like to see him, if you don't mind. I know he's dead, but I would like to see him."

"Oh, he's not dead, dear," the receptionist told her, and Haruhi raised an eyebrow. She glanced sideways and saw that Kaoru was looking utterly baffled. "Well...not exactly. His vital body parts are still working properly, but his brain isn't."

Haruhi gave her a blank look. "Doesn't that mean that he's as good as dead?" she demanded.

"People like to cling to the last shreds of hope, dear," she replied with a patient smile. "If you would like to see Hitachiin-san, please go to room 301 on the third floor. You'll find him there."

"Is his family there, too?" Haruhi asked.

"His parents left a few minutes ago, but his twin brother is still there," the receptionist answered.

"Thank you for your time," she murmured, and turned and walked away from the desk. As she headed for the elevators, she glanced around at Kaoru; he looked as if he were gliding - his expression was completely stunned, but there was also a sliver of hope there. She bit down on her bottom lip; she could tell what he was thinking. When the doors of the elevator closed on them, she turned to face him. "Look, Kaoru..."

"Isn't this amazing? I'm not dead yet; I'm simply in a coma," he whispered.

"Kaoru, I hate to tell you this, but you _are _dead," she corrected him. He frowned at her. "Your brain is dead, and there's no way of reviving it. You have already become a spirit, and your body is but an empty, living shell now. I'm sorry, but there's just no way for you to return to your body. You're dead."

Kaoru looked away from her, as if refusing to believe what she was saying. She sighed wearily and pressed the button for the third floor. When she stepped out of the elevator, he didn't follow her, so she let the doors close shut. He screamed in fright and ran after her through the metal doors. He glared at her and she just gave him a smug look. They walked down the corridor till they reached room 301.

She knocked at the door, but when no-one answered, she said, "I'm coming in!" and pushed it open. The room was dimly lit, and it took her eyes a few moments to get adjusted to the darkness of the room. There was a rhythmic beeping sound coming from somewhere in the room, and it became apparent that the monitor attached to the artificial life support system was emitting it. But Haruhi was no longer looking at the monitor...she was looking at the bed which was next to the support system. She was looking at the pale boy lying on the bed. She was looking at Kaoru.

And Kaoru was looking at his body. He had an expression of longing on his face. He yearned for his body. He wanted to be solid again, he wanted to be seen and heard. He wanted to touch and feel and smell things. Then, to her horror, he attempted to climb back into his body. She tried to pull him back, but her hands went right through him.

"Kaoru, no! It's useless! You can't bring yourself back to life!" she cried, aghast. It was heartbreaking to see him try to get back in. Even though she'd never known him before, her heart ached just by looking at him. "Kaoru, please stop. Don't do this."

"Help me get back in! Help me get back in!" he screamed.

"Kaoru...we're here to help your brother, aren't we?" she reminded him, and he paused. "Where's your brother, Kaoru?"

Kaoru froze. He slowly turned and cast a look around the room, but there was no-one there. It was with a frightened expression that he regarded Haruhi. He opened his mouth and tried to speak, but no words came out. He swallowed. "We're late," he said hoarsely. "We're too late, aren't we?"

"No. No, we're not," she assured him, even though she was starting to panic, herself. "I'm sure he's just around here some-"

She was cut short as the door to the room opened and the other twin came walking in, chugging water from a bottle. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Haruhi standing there next to the bed. His eyes widened, and he threw the bottle from his hand. Haruhi barely had time to react when he came and clasped his hands around her throat. She gasped.

"You! What were you trying to do?" he screamed. "Were you planning to kill him? Were you planning to take him of the life support system? Were you?"

"Hikaru!" Kaoru cried in alarm.

Tears sprang to Haruhi's eyes and she clawed desperately at his hands, but he was clutching her throat way too tightly. She tried to shake her head. "N-no," she wheezed, as stars started to dance before her eyes. "P-please...hear me out."

Hikaru seemed hesitant to let her go, but he slowly released her, and she slumped down to the floor, gasping for breath. He nudged her sharply with his foot, and she winced. "Get up," he ordered. He grabbed her by the collar and pulled her to her feet. He pushed her back onto a chair. "Who are you? What were you doing in Kaoru's room?"

"I'm..." she said, and swallowed the taste of bile that had risen to her mouth. "I'm Haruhi Fujioka. I attend Ouran High School."

"That doesn't exactly answer my question, does it?" he snapped. Haruhi looked around helplessly at Kaoru, who just shook his head. "Hey, what are you looking at? I'm talking to you here!"

"I...I came to offer you my condolences," she stammered.

"I don't want your condolences. I don't need them. As you can see, Kaoru is still alive and he's going to wake up soon, and when he does, I'm going to be right here to welcome him back," he retorted. Haruhi almost told him that Kaoru would never wake up, but she ate back her words - she remembered what the receptionist told her; _people like to cling to the last shreds of hope._ Hikaru was now frowning at her. "Do I even know you?"

"Well, not really, but..." she said, and paused. "I just wanted to see how you were doing, actually."

"Me?" he repeated. "I'm alright. I mean, when I thought Kaoru had died I absolutely lost the will to live, but then they told me he was merely in a coma, so...I've got to be strong for Kaoru, ne? I'm his older brother, you see."

"Hikaru..." Kaoru whimpered. "Just you wait; I'll get back into my body. I'll return to you. Just wait for me, okay? Okay, Hikaru?"

It was becoming too much for Haruhi to bear; she couldn't be in this room anymore. This was exactly why she hated to be involved in such things. She got up to her feet. "Well, I'm glad you're alright, Hikaru," she said. "I'm sorry to have bothered you. I'll be going now."

Hikaru gave her a puzzled look, but he nodded, anyway. "Alright, thanks for stopping by, whoever you are," he said.

Kaoru, on the other hand, was aghast. "Hey! Where are you going? You agreed you were going to help me save Hikaru!" he called after her departing back. "You said you were going to help! Come back here!"

Haruhi ignored him resolutely. However, when she reached the door, she was stopped back by Hikaru. "Yes?" she said.

"Um...well, this is going to sound strange, but - where do you suppose Kaoru is right now?" he asked her. "The doctors told me he's not really in his body right now, so where do you imagine he might be?"

Haruhi looked from Hikaru's unsuspecting face to Kaoru's fear-stricken one. She smiled gently. "I think he's somewhere safe," she offered, and Hikaru smiled back at her. "Good bye, Hikaru."

When she was out in the corridor again, she didn't wait for Kaoru to come after her. She knew he was bound to follow her eventually. She left the hospital premises and took a cab back home. She cast one last look at the hospital as the cab drove away to see if Kaoru was following her, but he wasn't anywhere to be seen. She wondered briefly if she'd made a mistake by leaving him there with Hikaru.

When she arrived back at the apartment, she found that her dad hadn't returned home yet, which was a good thing, since she didn't want to be questioned about her whereabouts. In the living room, the spilled milk she had neglected to clean had formed a dried circle on the surface of the kotatsu, and she hastened to clean it up. She washed the glass which she'd left in the sink, and then headed over to the bathroom to take a quick shower. The water was warm and soothing, and it helped washed away all traces of this troublesome day.

As she brushed her hair before the bathroom mirror, she noticed that her neck was a little red, and realized that it still felt a bit sore. She hoped her father wouldn't notice it. She pulled on the trousers of her pajama, and was in the process of thrusting one arm inside the sleeve of her shirt, when Kaoru burst in through the bathroom wall.

She glared at him. "Don't you know how to knock?" she snapped.

Kaoru returned the glare. "Why the hell did you leave like that?" he demanded. "You promised you were going to help Hikaru! You promised! And yet you just left without a second look! Couldn't you see that he needed help? What if he went and killed himself, eh? What if-?"

"Kaoru, shut up!" she interrupted him. "Hikaru won't kill himself because he believes you're still alive. He wants to be there for you, so he won't attempt to take away his life! To him, you're still alive! And to tell you the truth, when I was in that hospital room, I was more worried about you than I was worried about Hikaru."

He blinked. "Me?" he said.

"Yes, you...because you couldn't handle looking at your body in that state. You were aching for a life you're not a part of anymore. I was worried you'd be driven over the brink with your desire to that life," she whispered. "You need help more than Hikaru does. Hikaru is waiting for something to happen, and that's keeping him alive. But you...Kaoru, you want something which you could never have. You want life, but you're not alive anymore. Kaoru, please understand...you're dead now."

Kaoru mouthed soundlessly. Haruhi watched as he sank to the floor. He clutched his knees and started to sob. She sighed; what did she get herself into?

She knelt in front of him. "Kaoru, I wish I could help, but I'm afraid I can't," she whispered. "I'm really sorry."

"No, I know you can't. It's not your fault. I was just clinging to some dream...but, that dream can't be achieved. I keep hoping I'll wake up from this, but it's all real, isn't it? This is not some awful nightmare, right?" he choked, and she gave him a sympathetic look. "But what do I do now? If I'm dead, then why am I still here?"

"For some reason, you haven't quite crossed over yet..." she told him.

"I don't want to stay here, Haruhi. It hurts. It hurts to look at Hikaru and not be able to hug him and tell him how much I love him. It hurts not to be able to talk to him. It hurts that he can't see me or hear me. It really, really hurts," he whimpered. "I don't want this anymore. I just want to leave."

Haruhi sighed; she knew she was going to regret this later, but she decided to help this kid out. "Look, I'll try to help you cross over, alright?" she said soothingly. "I promise I'll find a way to do that."

"Thank you. I really appreciate this, thank you," he said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Don't mention it," she replied, and he smiled. "No, really - don't mention it to any of the ghosts or they just won't leave me alone."

Kaoru laughed. "By the way, Haruhi," he said after a moment. "Did you know you are a girl?"

-

**A/N: Sooo? Did you like it? It certainly does put a twist on things, doesn't it? Hehe, I was thinking of the last line from the moment I started working on the chapter. I just **_**had **_**to include it. Anyway, I sure do hope you liked it; reviews would be greatly appreciated! I'll try to update soon! Ja!**

_- S. N. B. _


	3. Chapter 3

**D/C: I don't own OHSHC. **

**Hello, everyone! You know, I really do have quite a lot of fun writing this story; I don't recall I've ever updated something so quickly! Thanks for all of the reviews you sent me, and I hope you like this chapter. Happy reading!**

**One Last Time **

**Chapter 3:**

"How did you die, Kaoru?"

It was a little close to midnight, and Haruhi was lying in her futon, her arms crossed against her chest. Her father wasn't home yet, so she was able to talk freely to the ghost. Not that her father didn't know that she talked to ghosts on regular basis, but it always seemed to freak him out. Kaoru was sitting next to her, hugging his knees to his chest. He had calmed down considerably, but was still prone to lapsing into complete silence or bursting into tears.

To his credit, he didn't cry then. He sighed heavily instead. "Well, it wasn't completely unexpected," he murmured. "I mean, I had brain cancer. But Hikaru and I…we had such high hopes. My cancer was still in its initial stages. I've been getting chemo therapy, and my body was responding well. I'd even managed to grow my hair back and I was able to attend my classes again. We were going to fly to France next week; they told us they had this new effective method of treatment. We were very excited."

"So…what happened then?" she asked.

"I'm not sure what happened. The theme at the Host Club today was Elizabethan. We were dressed as knights and the like…" he said.

"So that's why you were dressed like that," she interrupted him.

"Am I always going to be dressed like this, by the way?" he inquired, and she nodded. "Aw, man. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to walk around in chain mail? The King thought it would be a good idea. Every girl likes a knight in a shining armor."

"The King?" she said curiously.

"Tamaki Suou, he's the leader of the Host Club…I wonder how he and the others are doing now," he said softly. He seemed to lapse into silence again, so she cleared her throat to draw his attention. "Oh, sorry. Well, as I was saying…we were dressed as knights and I was finding it a little difficult to walk in the chain mail. I tripped and banged my head against the corner of a table. Hikaru asked me if I'm okay, and I said I am, but then I became dizzy. I got this goddamn awful headache and I saw spots before my eyes. The last thing I heard was Hikaru screaming my name. And then I woke up!"

"And you thought everything was okay, huh?" she prompted him.

"Yeah! There was no headache and I was feeling okay. I wasn't seeing spots and I was no longer dizzy," he continued. "But Hikaru was crying, and everyone was screaming, and I looked down and saw…my body on the ground, and I tried to bring Hikaru's attention to me but no-one was listening. No-one really saw me. And that's when I knew that something was seriously wrong."

"I'm sorry, Kaoru," she said, and she meant it.

"I'm starting to feel less upset about it," he told her. "If I'd died from a simple knock on the head, then that just showed that no treatment would've worked for me. I'm very disappointed, though."

"Disappointed?" she repeated.

"I'm still fifteen years old, Haruhi. There's still so much I want to do with my life. I wanted to get my high school diploma, I wanted to go to college, I wanted to meet a girl, get married to that girl and have children with her," he whispered, a wistful look coming upon his face. "I wanted to see Hikaru do all these things, too. I wanted to do everything together. But now I won't be able to do anything, and Hikaru will have to do everything on his own."

"Going through life alone isn't necessarily a bad thing," she offered. "It makes you stronger and much more independent."

He shook his head. "Hikaru and I have been together for as long as I can remember," he explained. "We've never taken a step before the other. We never do anything without the other's consent. Our existence is codependent, you know?"

"I can't say I do," she replied. "I…I never had someone like Hikaru in my life, Kaoru. It's always been me. My existence solely depends on me and my will to live. I don't know what it's like to have a person who I can tell, clearly and confidently, that I can't live without them. So, no, Kaoru; I really don't know. But I do know that if you grow up depending on someone, then you won't be able to develop and you won't be able to have an autonomous character. Instead of two people, you'll always be one. I don't think that's entirely healthy." Kaoru didn't say anything. Haruhi sighed and rolled to her side. "It's been a long day. Try to get some sleep."

"Do I need to sleep?" he asked.

"Not really, but sleep is something even the dead should indulge in," she said, not bothering to stifle her yawn. "Good night, Kaoru."

"Can I ask you a question?" he said after a moment.

Haruhi had to stop herself from cursing out loud. "Yes," she mumbled.

"Why do you pretend to be a boy?" he inquired.

She looked around at him to see if he was actually being serious, and saw that his face held no traces of humor. She stared at him momentarily before bursting out with laughter. "Excuse me?" she wheezed. "Why do I pretend to be a boy? I don't pretend to be a boy!"

"But you don't act like a girl either," he deadpanned.

"Oh, give me a break. Are you talking about the baggy shirt and jeans I always wear to school?" she retorted, lying on her back again. "For your information, I only wear those because I can't afford that bloody expensive uniform you rich bastards try to force me into buying."

"Even a girl who wears baggy shirts and jeans can look like a regular girl," he pointed out. He was suddenly hovering over her, peering into her face. She tried to swat him away but her hand merely went right through him. "You know, Haruhi, you have the most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen."

She gave him a bemused look. "Are you pulling the Host Club act on me right now?" she demanded.

"No. I'm just saying that you have beautiful eyes," he replied.

"Well, I don't need you to tell me that," she muttered, pulling the coverlet over her head so that he wouldn't look at her anymore. "Now move away. I've got school tomorrow and I need to get some sleep so that I don't show up like some sort of druggie."

The chain mail Kaoru was wearing rustled as he moved away from her futon, but she could still hear his words ringing in her ears. _You have the most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen._ She pursed her lips and tried to shake those words out of her head. So what if her eyes were beautiful? What good will that do her? Pretty eyes never earned someone a high school diploma. She realized she was fretting over a compliment given to her by a ghost and gave herself a mental kick. _Damn you, Kaoru. _

"Hey, Haruhi?"

She grunted.

"What am I going to do tomorrow?"

-

Haruhi hefted the strap of her bag over her shoulder and walked towards her classroom. She'd overslept and managed to miss her first class, and that only served to make her very irritated. She just hoped she'd be able to make it to her second class in time. She was able to feel Kaoru's icy presence close behind, and that just ticked her off even more. She wanted to yell at him to go back home and leave her alone, but she didn't want to raise any questions about her sanity.

"It's so strange," he was now saying. "Usually, everyone turns to look at me and Hikaru when we walk around the school's campus, but now they can't even see me. But hey, they're looking at you, Haruhi. Why are they looking at you?"

"People usually notice the odd one out," she said through gritted teeth.

"Ah, because you're not wearing the uniform," he said knowingly. "You should've worn that yellow dress in your closet. It resembles the uniform a little."

"No," she muttered. "And stop digging through my clothes."

"I'm just saying, if you have such nice clothes in your closet, you should wear them instead of wearing jeans and t-shirts," he insisted. "Why buy them if you're just going to shove them where the light doesn't see them?"

"That's because I don't buy them," she retorted, and earned herself a puzzled look from a couple of passer-bys. "Dad buys them for me, but his tastes are quite different than mine. You've already seen how my dad is like so I guess you won't have trouble understanding why."

Her dad only came in this morning, and took Kaoru by awe. Apparently, the rich brat had never met an okama before, and had prompted to shower Haruhi with blatantly rude questions about him. Haruhi, not wanting to freak out her father by telling him about the ghost who was currently residing with them, just ignored Kaoru until they were a good distance away from the house, and then took him into an alley way and scolded the daylights out of him. She'd hoped that he would take the hint and shut up, but Kaoru just disregarded her rebuke completely.

"Okay, look, I don't want you talking to me at all during my classes," she told him as she reached her classroom. He looked ready to protest so she quickly cut him off. "No talking whatsoever. Understand?"

He nodded meekly. She was betting on having to give him the evil eye all throughout her classes, but to his credit, he really did not bother her at all. Classes continued in normal fashion, and then lunch period came along and the students, chattering and laughing, filed out of the classroom. Haruhi, however, remained seated.

"Are you not hungry?" Kaoru asked her, after the last student had left.

"I am hungry," she replied, and reached into her bag for something. "That's why I brought an obento along."

"But there's a cafeteria where you can-" he started.

"Do I have to spell out everything for you, Kaoru?" she muttered. "The meal sets sold at the restaurant are very expensive and I simply can't afford them, which is why I bring obentos instead. Today's obento contains rice and simmered dishes from last night's dinner."

She knew what was coming next even before Kaoru had the chance to open his mouth. "Can I try some?" he asked.

She gave him the most patient look she could muster. "Kaoru, you're a ghost. You can't eat," she explained. He paused for a minute, as if to mull over what she had just said, and then his shoulders slumped. She smiled sympathetically at him. "I'm sorry."

"Man, I can't eat?" he whined, the sullen expression on his face quite pitiful. "And I was wondering why my stomach hasn't made any noises yet. It usually does around this time of the day."

He watched Haruhi's meal with a somber expression, and she gritted her teeth. She prodded her food with a couple of chopsticks, wishing he'd look away, but he just continued to stare. Finally, she put down her chopsticks and returned the obento to her bag.

"Thank you, Kaoru, now you've lost me _my _appetite," she mumbled.

"Oh, I'm sorry, should I have not stared?" he asked.

She glared at him. "Whether you're dead or not, it's only polite not to stare at people while they're eating," she snapped. "It makes them…"

"What? It makes them what?" he asked, and paused when he, too, realized that they were not alone anymore. A dark-haired boy wearing glasses had stepped into the classroom, and he was zeroing on Haruhi. "Kyouya!"

Haruhi remained silent as the boy advanced towards her desk. She remembered seeing this boy yesterday; he was the one who had been speaking urgently on the phone, which meant that he was a member of the Host Club. She wondered vaguely about what he wanted from her. As far as she was concerned, she'd never spoken to him or crossed paths with him before.

"Special student Fujioka Haruhi?" he asked, and she nodded. He cast a look around the room. "Who were you talking to?"

"No-one," she said quickly…a little too quickly. He raised an eyebrow. "I was talking to myself. Yes, I was doing that."

There was something about this Kyouya dude which caused her to be on guard. He seemed the sort of person who could order you to be murdered with a mere flick of the finger, and with the connections some students at Ouran had, she really did not doubt it.

"Is that so?" he said quietly, and she nodded in affirmation.

"Can I help you?" she inquired.

"It has come to my attention that you paid my family's hospital facility last night," he told her. "Hikaru Hitachiin told me he'd returned to his brother's room to find you standing by the latter's bed. Now, I can understand that you wanted to check up on him, but…I can't understand why you would do that when you have no connection whatsoever to the Hitachiin twins. Hikaru insisted he'd never even seen you before."

"That's true," she admitted.

"What were you doing there, then?" Kyouya demanded.

"I was just visiting," she answered simply.

"Even though you really don't know the twins?" he asked.

"Yep."

"Kyouya won't settle for that kind of answer, Haruhi," Kaoru whispered urgently in her ear. "Don't make him cross. He's the last person you'd want on your case."

Kyouya caught her glancing in Kaoru's direction, and he frowned. "What were you glancing at just now?" he asked, and she gave him a look of polite puzzlement. "You were looking at something. I saw you glance the other way."

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said.

He straightened his glasses and buried his hands in his pockets. "Be secretive all you want, Fujioka-kun, but let me tell you this: I've got eyes everywhere, and from now on, they'll all be set on you," he said calmly. He smiled at her, and that cool smile of his chilled her right to the bone. "I'd watch my step if I were you."

He prompted to turn and leave, but she grabbed his arm. He gave her a very surprised look. Behind her, Kaoru gulped. "Hey, I didn't do anything wrong, did I?" she said. "I don't see why I should be followed, really. Are you worried I might tell Hikaru that there's really no hope for his brother? Because if you are…"

"Are you thinking of blackmailing me, Fujioka-kun?" Kyouya interrupted her.

"Don't put such crap in my mouth," she snapped. "I may be what you may call a _commoner, _but that doesn't mean I'll sell my values and ethics for a little money. I won't say anything to Hikaru. If I wanted to say something, I would've said it last night when I went to visit, but I didn't, now, did I?"

"That still doesn't explain anything," he pointed out. She merely smiled. "You're a strange one, Fujioka-kun."

And he was gone. She drummed her fingers against the table for a moment before looking around at Kaoru. "Does he mean trouble?" she asked. He nodded. "Oh, great. Thanks a lot, Kaoru. Now not only do I have to help you cross over, but I have to deal with the Shadow King as well."

"You really won't tell Hikaru?" Kaoru whispered.

"Huh? Oh. Of course I won't tell him, you dope," she replied. "I may act cold, but I'm not exactly cold-hearted. Have a little bit of faith in me, won't you?"

Kaoru smiled at her. She sighed wearily and rested her head on the table against her folded arms. He could hear her muttering something under her breath, and he caught a hint of something that distinctly sounded like, "What did I get myself into?" He walked over to the window and looked out at the grounds below.

"Spring break starts tomorrow," he murmured. "Hikaru and I were planning on going away for a few days this year."

"Really? Where?"

"Oh…just Paris. And maybe spend the last couple of days in Milan," he replied. Haruhi was muttering again, and he definitely heard her saying, "Damn rich bastards," this time. "But that's unimportant now because it's not going to happen."

"I…"

"No, don't say anything. I'm not telling you that to make you feel sorry for me, Haruhi," he cut her off. "I'm just trying to make small talk."

She gave him a bemused look. "Small talk?" she repeated.

"I was popular during my life; I was always surrounded by people. And even if the people weren't there, I always had Hikaru to keep me company," he told her. "It gets lonely when you're a ghost and you've got no-one to speak to. And it's not like you're the world's greatest at making small talk."

"I try," she said wryly. "We could have our own plans for this break. Of course, I was planning to get a job, but we could do something."

"Like?"

"Like finding out the thing which is stopping you from crossing over."

**-**

**A/N: Sooo? Was that good? I sure hope it didn't sound like filler-material; as I usually say, I'm merely working my way to bigger things. By the way, here's a hint: I update quicker if I get more reviews! Thanks in advance! **

_- S. N. B. _


	4. Chapter 4

**D/C: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club. **

**Hey there! I'm honestly starting to forget about the stories I should be updating…what with all the projects and research papers my professors are demanding, and my NaNo novel that I'm still trying so hard to finish…I really don't have time for anything anymore. I'll stop trying to dump all my woes on you now and let you get on with the chapter. Thanks for all the reviews, by the way!**

**Oh, and yes, I did change the name of this story from "One Last Time" to "Channeling Kaoru" – I just didn't have a proper title at that time and went with anything that popped into my head. **

**Channeling Kaoru**

**Chapter 4: **

Two first class tickets to Paris. They sat there on the cabinet, mocking him, reminding him of what he was missing on, reminding of what he and Kaoru should be doing now instead of sitting there in that dreadful hospital room.

Hikaru sighed and buried his face between his hands. Only two days had passed and already he was feeling quite drained, which was ironic because all he did all day long was simply sit by his brother's side, while occasionally squeezing his hand or stroking the hair off his forehead. It was probably the mere fact that he was waiting for Kaoru to wake up that was exhausting him this much. Also…he hadn't spoken to Kaoru for two days now, something which he had never done before. It was as if he and Kaoru were in completely different worlds, and he could never cross over to Kaoru's world.

His eyes welled with tears when he turned his eyes to his brother's face. He looked so peaceful, as if he were…as if he were…

Hikaru shook his head. He tried to stop the images from forcing their way back into his mind – images of the doctors and nurses, the Host Club, his parents…all looking sad and upset, all looking like they'd lost someone dear to them. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to even consider it. _Kaoru is just in a coma; he isn't dead. He's still alive. _

There was a knock at the door and he hastened to dry his tears. "Who is it?" he croaked.

"It's me…Kyouya," came the reply, before the door opened and the vice-president of the Host Club stepped into the room. He smiled. "Hey, Hikaru. How are you today?"

Hikaru almost released a snort of laughter. It was all too much. Kyouya, the cool and collected shadow king who never gave a damn about how people were feeling or what they were thinking, who never spared a smile at anyone unless there was something in it for him, was asking him how he was. He was smiling at him, and it wasn't one of his fake smiles either.

"I'm alright," he muttered.

Kyouya pulled up a chair and sat next to him. "Did you get any sleep last night?" he asked, and Hikaru shook his head. "That won't do, Hikaru. You need to rest."

Hikaru merely grunted. It struck him at that moment how Kyouya was really acting the role of the "mother" of the club; he had always been considered the mother, but had never really showed them any motherly traits. They were all coming out now.

"Tamaki wants you to come back," Kyouya added.

Hikaru shrugged. "Tell him not to wait up for me," he muttered. A few moments passed in silence before he spoke again. "Did you talk to him?"

Kyouya straightened his glasses. "You mean Haruhi Fujioka?" he said, and Hikaru nodded vigorously. "Yes, I did talk to _her_."

Hikaru stared at him. "That was a _girl?_" he demanded.

"Yes, Hikaru, underneath that messed up hair, the baggy clothes and the big square glasses lays a biologically-correct girl," Kyouya replied. He was smirking, as if really enjoying the look on Hikaru's face. "Why? You didn't do…anything untoward to her, did you?"

Hikaru remembered how he'd nearly choked the living daylights out of her, and he felt his cheeks warm up. To think he'd attacked a girl when his job indicated that he should treat ladies with respect was very ironic. The truth is, ever since he'd found her in the room with Kaoru, he'd felt highly curious about her. What was she doing in the room? Was she really coming to check up on him? And what did she mean when she said that Kaoru was somewhere safe?

But now that he knew that she's a girl, things made a little more sense. "So…she has a crush on Kaoru, then?" he asked.

"On the contrary, she doesn't even know Kaoru," Kyouya answered. "She told me that she'd merely come to visit, even though she doesn't know either of you."

"But that's completely absurd!" Hikaru exclaimed. "Why would she come to visit Kaoru if she didn't even know him? None of the other girls at Ouran even called to check up on Kaoru, and yet she came over to check on him in person. Does that make sense to you, Kyouya?"

"No, it doesn't," Kyouya admitted. "But don't worry about a thing; I've asked some people to tail her and find out everything about her. I'm going to make sure she doesn't come near you or Kaoru again…unless of course you would like to see her?"

"Why do you assume I would like to see her?" Hikaru asked.

"For someone who doesn't even know her, you seem to be very interested in her, Hikaru," Kyouya remarked. "Are you hiding something from me?"

"I could say the same to you, Kyouya. For someone who doesn't give a damn about people, you seem to be very interested in her," Hikaru shot back. "Are _you _hiding something from me?"

Kyouya smiled. "Fair enough," he replied, straightening his glasses again. His eyes rested on Hikaru's face and Hikaru saw the smile slowly fade from the shadow king's face. He released a heavy sigh. Kyouya never sighed. "Hikaru…"

"Shut up," Hikaru snapped. "I know what you're going to say and I don't want to hear it. Oh ye of little faith. Give Kaoru a chance; I know you and the others believe that it might be ages before he wakes up again, if he does indeed wake up. But he will wake up. You'll see."

"I know," Kyouya whispered. "I just don't want you to keep your hopes up, lest you get disappointed."

Hikaru shook his head. "Kaoru would never disappoint me," he said stubbornly. He took Kaoru's hand between his own and brought it to his lips. He wished Kaoru would stir, but of course, he didn't. Tears stung Hikaru's eyes again as he kissed the tips of Kaoru's fingers. "He didn't even say good-bye to me, Kyouya. Kaoru never goes anywhere without saying good-bye. Even when he's dying to go to the bathroom, he stops to say 'See you in a few minutes', or 'I'll be back soon', or simply 'Bye'. Do you understand? He has to say good-bye."

---

"I never said good-bye to Hikaru…"

Haruhi looked up from the book she had been reading. "Excuse me?" she said.

She and Kaoru were both sitting in her living room. She was reading a book, and Kaoru was watching a soap opera. Her father had gone away on a business trip, which meant that she and Kaoru had the whole place to themselves for the spring break. The situation couldn't have been more idealistic; Haruhi had been really worried about her father and how he may react when he knew that a ghost was staying with them. Usually, they just drifted in and out, and that alone freaked him out.

"I never said good-bye to Hikaru before I died," he muttered.

"Well, of course you didn't," she replied, returning her attention back to the book. "Death really doesn't give anyone a chance to say good-bye, especially when it's sudden."

Kaoru rolled his eyes. "Thank you, Haruhi, but…I don't know, could you try being more sympathetic next time?" he said irritably.

"Sure, next time I'll throw in a smile. Will that help?" she shot back.

He stuck out his tongue at her, but she didn't even spare him a second look. He sighed loudly. "What are we doing here, anyway?" he demanded. "Shouldn't you be trying to figure out what's keeping me from crossing over?"

"I should, but you aren't helping me out here," she told him. "Every time I try to talk to you about your life you just start crying, and I can't work with that."

Kaoru didn't say anything, which wasn't surprising; what Haruhi said was completely true and unarguable. She'd been trying to get him to open up to her, hoping that by finding out more about him, she'll be able to discover why he was still attached to the living world. But whenever she tried to strike up a conversation, Kaoru would just look away and cry. It was all proving to be quite exhausting.

"Hey, Haruhi," he said after a moment.

"Hmm?"

"Did Death take away your chance to say good-bye to someone?" he asked.

Haruhi's breath caught in her throat and she dropped the book onto her lap, and a stream of images and sounds came rushing into her mind before she could stop them. There was laughter one moment, and then a screech of tyres, and…

"_Haruhi! Look out!"_

Silence.

She tried to focus on the words in her book, but it was as if they'd all become a string of symbols she had never seen before in her life. She forced an indifferent look upon her face. "What kind of question is that, Kaoru?" she muttered. "Honestly, I guess being dead makes you weird, huh?"

Kaoru had rolled on the ground and came to a stop right where Haruhi was sitting, so that now his face was poking through the pages of her book. "You know, Haruhi, you never told me how you came to be able to communicate with ghosts," he pointed out.

Haruhi had hoped she'd be able to ignore the icy feeling in her legs and thighs, so as not to give Kaoru the satisfaction of knowing that he'd gotten to her, but she failed and hastily scrambled away from him. "I shouldn't feel compelled to answer that question," she replied.

"Is it because of your mother?" he asked. The look on her face told him everything. "Of course I know she's dead; that mini-shrine in the corner sorta gives it away. But I don't know how she died. Were you with her when it happened? Did you…did you get to say good-bye to her before she passed away? Or wait, has she even crossed over? I bet she comes every once in a while and-"

"Enough!" she cut him off. Her eyes were bright, and her cheeks were tinged with pink. She was holding the book tightly to her chest, which was heaving up and down with her rapid breathing. "What happened to my mother is none of your business, Kaoru, so I suggest you never bring up that topic again."

"But…" he started to protest.

"You're here so that I can help you cross over. This is about _you_, not me. I suggest you start cooperating with me so that we can be done with this as soon as possible," she snapped.

Kaoru was glaring at her now. "You're acting like such a jerk, Haruhi," he retorted. "Don't you understand? What you have here is a gift. You've been given the chance to help people, but you're acting so bitchily about it. It's as if you're refusing to accept the kind of person you are."

"What the hell are you talking about?" she demanded.

"It's rather obvious, isn't it? You don't even try to act like a proper girl, Haruhi. Are you frightened of the possibility that you may actually love someone, or that someone will fall in love with you?" he demanded. "Love is a scary thing, but it's also quite beautiful. You feel like you're floating on cloud nine. You shouldn't try to fight it, just like you shouldn't try to fight away all these ghosts who come to ask for your help. You should embrace them because, you know, they don't have anywhere else to go to."

She didn't look like she was going to offer a reply anytime soon; Kaoru shook his head and rolled to his other side, giving his back to her.

"My name is Kaoru Hitachiin. I'm fifteen years old, and I'm the younger of the Hitachiin twins. I'm a Gemini. My blood type is B, and my favorite subjects are English, Japanese and Art," he droned on. "I like spicy food, and I tend to pour maple syrup over whatever I eat. There are a few things that I like, and when I like something, I become really interested in every aspect of it, but if I don't like it, then I don't give it a second glance. I get bored way too quickly, and-"

"What are you doing?" she cut him off.

"I'm telling you about myself," he said, in an air which suggested that he was saying the most obvious thing in the world. She stared at him for a moment, and then she burst out laughing. She doubled over and clutched her stomach as she wheezed. Kaoru raised an eyebrow at her. "Obviously, you haven't listened to a word I said."

Haruhi straightened up and wiped a tear from her eye. "No, I'm sorry," she murmured. She took in a deep breath. "She never said good-bye to me, either."

"Your mother?" he asked.

Haruhi nodded. "She died in a car accident," she continued. "Mother and I were heading to a book fair in a cab. A car came out of nowhere and crashed into the side of the cab. Mom protected me with her body, and I came out with just a broken leg, but she got the full blow. She died on the way to the hospital, and she never said good-bye."

Kaoru didn't say anything.

"It was then that I started seeing dead people," she informed him. Kaoru appeared startled then. "That's why…I hate what I've become, Kaoru, because this _gift _will always remind me of the day I lost my mother."

"Wow, Haruhi…I'm really sorry," he said earnestly. "I must have come off like such a jerk. I didn't know…"

She shook her head. "That's alright," she assured him. "Don't worry about it."

"I could leave if you want…" he said, his eyes casted to the floor.

"Don't be ridiculous; I don't want you to leave," she snapped. "I promised to help you out, didn't I? And I will help you, but to do that, you have to help me out."

Kaoru sighed. "Well, what do you want me to tell you?" he asked.

"Anything! Is there something you wish you did before you died?" she prompted him. "Maybe…there was a place you wanted to go to? A person you wanted to talk to? A certain meal you wanted to try?"

"I did want to go to France…" he said.

She narrowed her eyes. "Go by yourself," she muttered.

He chuckled. "I'm sorry, but I can't think of anything! I never leave anything until later; anything I want to do I do it on the spot, anywhere I want to go I go right away, anyone I want to speak to I do so with a quick phone call," he told her.

"That's no help," she mumbled.

"We should go talk to Hikaru again," he suggested.

"Under what pretence?" she demanded. She put on an oddly chipper voice. "Hey, Hikaru! I was wondering if you could help me out. Your brother needs to cross over and I need you to tell me everything you know about him!" She broke off as Kaoru laughed. "He almost killed me last time. If I tell him that, he'll murder me for sure."

"Why don't you try to befriend him?" he said with sudden inspiration. She gave him a curious look. "Hikaru would like you. I can tell because I've come to like you, too."

"You don't like me," she muttered. "You've simply grown on me."

"I, unlike you, know how to differentiate between familiarity and fondness," he said with a discreet wink. "This, what I'm feeling right now, is definitely fondness."

His words stirred something within her, but she didn't show it. "That still doesn't tell me what I'm supposed to say to Hikaru, or how I'm to go and meet him," she protested. "I'm pretty sure the guards at the gates will prevent me from going in."

"I wouldn't worry about that. Knowing Hikaru, he's probably going to send someone to fetch you soon enough," he said with a grin. "He's probably extremely curious about you. I'm pretty sure he's the one who set Kyouya on you."

"Great," she muttered. She glanced at him. "But…would you be alright with that, though? You said you couldn't bear to see him?"

"I lied," he replied. His eyes were gleaming with tears. "I really, really want to see him."

**-**

**A/N: There we go – four chapters down, and…actually, I don't know how many chapters are left. I guess we'll just find out as I continue with this story. I hope you liked this chapter! I'll try to update as soon as possible! (Soon as possible being the time when I finally finish my exams) **

**Ja ne!**

- _S. N. B. _


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club. **

**Hello! It's been a while since I last updated, eh? I'm terribly sorry, but it couldn't have been helped; I've had some moving to do, some things to take care of on my site and nasty Writer's Block to deal with. I haven't really written anything since the start of this summer. Hopefully this will change after this chapter. Anyway, thank you all for the kind reviews! They've made me very pleased. And now, onto chapter 5!**

**Channelling Kaoru**

**Chapter 5: **

Merry-Go-Rounds, roller coasters, tea cups, ghost houses, bouncy castles...Haruhi regarded all those with contempt.

It wasn't that she hated amusement parks, but rather, she didn't get the point behind them. Why would anyone want to terrify themselves by going on a roller coaster or through a ghost house? Why would anyone want to make themselves nauseous by sitting in a spinning tea cup? What was so bloody amusing about sitting on a painted metal horse? It all really didn't make any sense to her. She thought it was an incredible waste of time.

"Anything?" she muttered to Kaoru, who was perched on the bench next to her. He, however, was regarding everything with wonder and didn't respond until she snapped her fingers in his face. "Oy, Kaoru. Does this place remind you of anything?"

Kaoru shook himself out of his trance. "No, not really," he replied. "But then again, I don't recall ever being to such a place before."

Haruhi raised an eyebrow. "You've never been to an amusement park?" she demanded.

He smiled sadly and shook his head. "I guess...we've been too high up on our thrones to notice the fun around us," he replied. "If I were still alive, Hikaru and I would say that this was too commoner a place for us. We'd have made fun of it without even knowing what it really is about. Actually, to be perfectly honest with you, I've always thought amusement parks were a bit of...an adult place, let's say."

Haruhi stared at him. "_An adult place?_" she repeated.

Kaoru looked sheepish. "Yeah, a place where adults can publicly make-out or something like that," he said quietly.

She held up a hand. "Ugh, forget I ever asked," she muttered. She got up to her feet and dug her hands into her pockets. "Well, I guess there's no point in staying here if it doesn't remind you of anything you need to do. Let's go."

"No, wait! Don't go yet!" he cried, and she frowned at him. "I mean...can't we stay a little longer, please?"

She sighed. "Kaoru, we only came here to see if this place would remind you of the thing you need to do in order to move on," she reminded him. "And if you've never even been to an amusement park before in your life, then I highly doubt we'll find the thing we're looking for here."

For the last week, Haruhi had been taking Kaoru to different places in hopes that it will refresh his memory. She took him to restaurants, malls, forests, parks, retail stores, hardware shops, boutiques, cafes...but nothing seemed to work. Kaoru was still drawing a blank. However, she had to admit that Kaoru had rather grown on her; she was getting used to having him around, and she imagined she will probably miss him once he finally crossed over. She found it a little sad that she found comfort in the company of a ghost; it made her realize that she didn't have that many friends. Having Kaoru around was like having a constant companion, and she liked it…but that was her selfishness.

"Please?" he whispered, giving her an imploring look. "At least let us try one of these rides? Come on; it's not asking for much, is it? I'm a dead person; shouldn't you respect my wishes?"

She glowered at him. "Damn dead rich bastard," she said, disgruntled. She closed her eyes and took in a couple of deep breaths. "_Fine. _But just one ride. Take your pick."

She followed his gaze as it rested tantalizingly on the merry-go-round, before moving perilously over the tea cups ride, lingering worryingly on the roller coaster...until they finally landed on the Ferris wheel. His eyes practically shone, and she knew his choice before he opened his mouth. So when he pointed eagerly at the wheel, she just sighed and beckoned him to follow her. She weaved between the crowds, leaving Kaoru to follow and stumble into many different people, until she reached the ticket booth.

"Hello," the fat lady sitting in the booth said amiably. "How many I help you?"

"I'd like two tickets to the Ferris wheel, please," Haruhi replied, fishing in her purse for some cash.

"_Two tickets?_" the lady repeated. She was glancing to see if there was anyone with Haruhi, but to her, she seemed all alone.

Haruhi realized her mistake. "Sorry, I meant one ticket," she said, giving her a completely unfazed smile.

Ignoring the lady's kind smile, Haruhi bought the ticket and headed for the Ferris wheel. As they waited in line for their turn, she had to give Kaoru credit for not saying anything about what happened back at the ticket booth. However, she soon realized he was just too fascinated to say anything. When their turn came, he practically stumbled into their cabin, and as it started to move, he plastered his face to the glass in an attempt to see everything there is to see. The wheel moved slowly, and it felt relaxing to just be there, out of the reach of everyone and everything. Haruhi felt like nothing in the world could harm her here. Something caught her gaze and she tutted – the couple in the cabin ahead of them was steaming up the glass.

"That's disgusting," she muttered. "Is it even allowed?"

Kaoru laughed. "Oh, don't be such a prude, Haruhi; they're not doing you any harm, are they?" he chided her. She noticed a certain wistfulness around his eyes. "They're just lucky to have each other, and they want to express it. That's all."

She just released an audible sigh, but shuffled around in her seat until she made sure that cabin was out of view.

"I'm still a virgin, you know," he said suddenly, and she nearly toppled out of her seat.

"What? Why the hell are you telling me this?" she snapped.

He shrugged. "No reason," he replied. "It means I just died without experiencing the most intimate feeling in the world. It gives me a lump in my throat, that it does. I was just waiting for that special person to come along, and now I've lost my chance altogether."

She regarded him silently for a moment. "It's really not that special," she suddenly blurted out, and immediately wished she could take it back at the sight of his widening eyes. "Forget I said anything."

"I can't just forget _that!_" he said, aghast. "Haruhi, does that mean you've already...? Wow, there's a lot more to you than what I'd expected is all I can say. But...but...it _had _to be special! Maybe you just...erm, did it with someone you didn't love enough? They say it feels best when you're with someone you really love."

"Drop it, Kaoru. I don't want to talk about it," she hissed. "What are you, some kind of pervert?"

"You have to share with me!" he pleaded. "I can't just move on without knowing what it feels like! Maybe...maybe this is the reason I can't move on. Maybe I _need _to know what making love is all about before I can finally cross to the other side."

Haruhi gave him an incredulous look. "That is the most absurd thing I've ever heard in my life," she exclaimed.

"It doesn't hurt to try! Come on, Haruhi, the sooner I'm out of your hair the better, right? Please tell me," he coaxed her. "I just want to know what the hype's about. And I'm dead! It's not like I'm going to run about spreading the news to everyone!"

She relented a bit.

"Please?" he said, and she sighed. He grinned. "How old were you? Did you love the guy? Was there any foreplay? Was it the first time for the two of you? It would've been amusing if the two of you were just fumbling about, not really knowing what to do. Man, but I envy you, Haruhi. You must've had a blast. Are you still seeing that guy? Did you meet up to do it again?"

"Kaoru, you ask too many questions!" she snapped, her cheeks colouring up dramatically. He fell silent. Haruhi knotted her fingers in her lap and looked down. "It wasn't my choice, you know. I was twelve years old; sex was the last thing on my mind."

He frowned. "Why then...?" he started. He caught sight of her tearful eyes and stopped short. "Oh."

"I was on my way back home from school, and he just came out of nowhere. This fat, ugly bastard. He clamped my mouth with his hand and dragged me off before I even had the chance to protest," she said hoarsely. "I couldn't escape. I couldn't scream. I couldn't move. I was bound and gagged, and there was no one else in the vicinity. No one to stop him as he ripped off my clothes, no one to stop him as he..."

Kaoru raised a hand to her mouth. "Shh," he said softly. "Don't say anything else. Don't. I'm sorry I brought it up."

But Haruhi was crying now, and she couldn't bring herself to stop now that she'd started. She hadn't talked about this in so long and it actually felt good to let it out. "It made me feel so weak and pathetic and dirty, you know?" she sobbed. "And after he'd done his thing he just got up and left me, until a little boy came around and found me lying there, bruised and bleeding. I was humiliated."

He scooted closer to her. "It's not your fault, okay? It's not your fault scumbags like him exist. You didn't do anything," he said reassuringly. She hiccupped, and his heart went out for her. "Oh, Haruhi..."

Impulsively, he wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him. Immediately the crying subsided, and he looked down to see that she was staring at him.

He let her go right away. "Wh-what?" he stammered, fearing the worst.

"Kaoru, I felt you back there," she whispered, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. "When you put your arms around me, I actually felt it. _I felt you hugging me!_"

Kaoru was astonished. "But I'm a ghost! I'm anything but solid!" he exclaimed. "You must've imagined it, Haruhi. You were emotional and..."

"I know what I felt!" she snapped, as if daring him to suggest that she was emotionally unstable. She beckoned him closer. "Hug me again. Do _it_, Kaoru!"

Awkwardly, Kaoru reached out and pulled her into another hug. He faltered when he realized that she was right; he could actually feel her small body between his arms. Only this time, she wrapped her arms around him as well. If he had any breath left, it would've caught in his throat.

"Can you feel it? Can you feel my arms around you?" she asked him.

"Y-yes," he stammered. She dropped her arms and he took it as a signal for him to release her. He felt terrified and excited at the same time. Did this mean he was coming back to life? Was it something else but equally good? He wanted to know. "Haruhi, what does this mean?"

She shook her head slowly. "I really don't know," she murmured. "It could be that you were in a heightened emotional state and that made you more solid. Or it could be that you _really wanted _to hug me and that gave you some solidity..."

"Can I try it again?" he asked, and before she could give him her consent, he had reached out and enveloped her in his arms again. She was there, just as before, and he could feel her. That made him quiver with excitement. Haruhi cleared her throat, but he just held on even more tightly. This was an intimacy he longed for. He really wanted to feel close to someone. He needed it.

"Kaoru…" she muttered.

"Just a little bit longer," he pleaded.

Haruhi sighed but said nothing. Instead, she hugged him back. That simple gesture caused tears to spring to Kaoru's eyes; he really had no idea how much he missed physical contact until now. When he was still alive, he and Hikaru were always hugging or holding hands or the like, so being deprived from it had really horrible effects on him. As he held her, he wondered if she would allow him to do something else. Maybe a little kiss…

Only when Haruhi's cell phone rang did he jump a mile away, his eyes wild and his cheeks flushed. Haruhi, on the other hand, seemed completely oblivious to his meddlesome thoughts as she fished into her purse for the phone, which was still ringing, loud and shrill and accusing.

He swallowed. "You should answer that," he murmured.

Haruhi flipped the phone open and pressed it against her ear. "Hello," she said. "Haruhi Fujioka speaking."

"Hello, Fujioka-san," came an oddly familiar voice on the other end of the line. "I don't know if you remember me, but we met at a certain hospital the other day. I'm Hikaru Hitachiin, Kaoru's brother. I was simply wondering if you could join me at the hospital again today. There's something I would like to discuss with you. Should I send someone to pick you up now?"

---

**A/N: Tada! All done! I had originally included a kiss right there, but it seemed too soon for anything like that, and then the idea of Haruhi kissing a ghost really weirded me out. xD Anyway, I would like to hear any comments you have for this chapter, so please don't hesitate to give them to me, good or bad! Thanks for reading!**

_- S. N. B. _


	6. Chapter 6

**D/C: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club.**

**Hello! I must say, I was quite overwhelmed by the number of reviews I received about the last chapter. I had imagined that after my long hiatus, people would've lost interest. Thank you for proving me wrong! And I'm glad you all thought it was a good call on the kiss; makes me glad I removed it. Hehe. I'm going to try to update sooner these days because there's another story I want to start working on. I'm pretty psyched about it, too! Well, anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this chapter!**

**Channelling Kaoru**

**Chapter 6: **

Kaoru was fidgeting. A lot. Haruhi hated fidgeting. She wanted to tell him to stop, but she couldn't risk getting overheard by the cab driver.

They had immediately hailed the cab the moment they'd stepped out of the cabin in the Ferris wheel. Hikaru hadn't really said much on the phone, just that he wanted to see her. She was hesitant about going, but under the prospect of having Kaoru haunt her till the end of eternity, she obliged. But that didn't stop her from wondering what this was about. She remembered their past encounter a little too clearly, proof of that being how her hand kept rising to her throat in a protective gesture.

"I'm really excited," Kaoru whispered for the umpteenth time.

Haruhi could only nod. She hadn't voiced her concerns to Kaoru because he seemed really thrilled about seeing his brother again. Okay, so he had said that Hikaru would contact her sooner or later, but that didn't make her feel better about things. Any question about ghosts or spirits or whatever and she would leave.

When they got to the hospital, they walked past the receptionist desk and headed for Kaoru's room, thinking Hikaru would be there. Haruhi knocked at the door, and when she received no reply she turned the knob and poked her head inside. Kaoru just passed through the door and went in ahead of her. She rolled her eyes; obviously being a ghost made you rude.

"Haruhi, I'm not here!" he cried in alarm.

"What?" She went inside, and sure enough, she saw that Kaoru's body wasn't on the bed. In fact, the room seemed to be completely deserted. "This is odd..."

"Could they have already given up on me?" Kaoru whispered, sounding terrified. "Could they have gone ahead and buried me?"

"I don't know. Hikaru didn't say anything about that," she replied, frowning slightly. Kaoru looked close to tears, so she quickly added, "I'm sure they just moved you to a bigger room or something like that. Let's go down and ask the receptionist, shall we?"

Kaoru nodded and they both left the room. Haruhi couldn't help but wonder if Hikaru had indeed buried his brother, and that was the reason why he'd asked her to come over. But why would he even need her for that? She knew that Kaoru was already dead, but he and his brother refused to acknowledge that. A burial would probably traumatize Kaoru and an admittance of death would probably drive Hikaru to suicide. Either way, it wasn't something she liked to dwell upon.

"Excuse me," she said upon reaching the receptionist's desk. "Can you tell me where I can find Kaoru Hitachiin's room? I'm supposed to meet his brother."

"And who might you be?" the receptionist asked.

"A family acquaintance," she said, without skipping a beat.

"Right," the receptionist said, nodding her head slowly. "Well, let me see..."

"Fujioka-kun?"

Haruhi looked around and saw Hikaru stepping out from one elevator. She felt rather relieved to see him; the receptionist didn't look like she trusted her. "Ah, there he is. Thank you for your time," she said, before walking over to him, Kaoru quick at her heels. "Hey there. I went up to Kaoru's room but I didn't find anywhere there so I panicked. I thought you might've...erm..."

"Buried Kaoru?" he said, looking amused, and she nodded. "Why on Earth would I do such a thing? Burying someone alive is considered a crime!"

Haruhi tried not to wince. The way Hikaru was so adamant that his brother was still alive would've made the coldest of hearts ache. She forced a smile onto her face. "Of course, what was I thinking?" she said. "So you moved him to another room?"

He buried his hands into his pockets. "Yeah," he said. "Kyouya suggested we move him to a bigger and more comfortable room since it looks like he might be in for a long stay. But that's alright; they even put a bed for me in there in case I wanted to spend the night or something."

Haruhi thought the idea of sleeping in a room with a lifeless body was even more terrifying than sleeping with a ghost, but she didn't voice that to him. "That sounds great," she lied. "So...erm, what did you want to see me for? You sounded urgent on the phone."

"Oh, yeah, that," Hikaru murmured. He scratched the back of his head and gave her an abashed look. "I wanted to apologize for nearly strangling you the other day."

Haruhi blinked, and she heard Kaoru swear behind her. She couldn't believe this; she'd been made to come to the hospital just so that he could apologize to her. Something wasn't right here. Besides, wasn't the apologizer the one supposed to make the house calls? So why was she the one who had taken a cab to this bloody hospital? She took in a deep breath, shot a glare at Hikaru and then turned on her heels and walked back to the door.

"Fu-Fujioka-kun!" Hikaru exclaimed.

"Haruhi, where the hell are you going?" Kaoru demanded.

"Home," she said through gritted teeth, not slowing down at all. "This has been a complete and utter waste of time. Also, your brother's a jerk."

"What? Just because he tried to strangle you and then made you come here so that he could apologize to you? You're being a little too judgemental there, Haruhi," he told her.

"Oh, wha-hey! Let go of my arm! Just because you've..." she snapped, and stopped when she saw that the hand gripping her arm was Hikaru's. She scowled and shrugged him off. "What do you want? If you're planning to waste my time, then I might as well go home."

"Um," he said, looking flustered. "Can I interest you in some coffee?"

She titled her head. "Coffee?"

In a few minutes time, the two of them...well, three counting Kaoru...were seated around a table in the hospital's cafe. Haruhi didn't know what was more surprising; the fact that she'd agreed to have coffee with Hikaru, or the fact that the hospital actually had a cafe. A full-blown cafe with comfortable couches and internet access and all. On the table in front of her sat an enormous mug of cappuccino topped with a whole lot of froth, and a huge brownie with chocolate syrup oozing down its sides. Haruhi's mouth was watering.

_The rich really have it all. _

Her hands were starting to itch towards the brownie when Hikaru spoke up, and she immediately pulled back her hand. She didn't want to appear like she needed this brownie. Even though she did. She doubted she'd be able to think straight until she had that brownie.

"So, I didn't just ask you to come over so that I could apologize to you..." he started, and Haruhi nodded – she had expected that. "I was curious about how you came to know Kaoru. I've never seen the two of you together, and he never mentioned you before. Were you his secret girlfriend or something?"

Haruhi snorted, and then she doubled over with laughter. Kaoru scowled. "Oy, be more sensitive about this," he admonished her. "And what's so funny, anyway? Is the idea of being my girlfriend making you laugh? That's rude."

At the same time, Hikaru was saying, "Why are you laughing? Was it something I said?"

She stopped laughing and wiped a tear of mirth from the corner of her eye. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have laughed," she said, smiling apologetically. "No, I wasn't dating Kaoru in secret. I've never even met Kaoru until that day at school."

"Why...?" he started.

"Why did I come to see him at the hospital then?" she cut him off, and shrugged. "No reason in particular."

He frowned at her. "So you just like to come and pay random visits to people you've never met before?" he asked.

"Something like that," she replied. She tried not to glance sideways at Kaoru as he said, "Lame! What do you take my brother for? He won't fall for that. Are you some kind of idiot? Haruhi, just tell him the truth. Hikaru would be ready to believe anything at this moment. Look, I'll help out! I'll touch him or something!"

"I don't believe you," Hikaru said.

"It's the truth," she said, and it really was the truth. "Anyway, even if I'd been Kaoru's secret girlfriend, why is it so important for you to know?"

"Because Kaoru never hides anything from me, that's why," he retorted. "We've been together our whole lives, and we've always shared every tiny little detail of it. We never denied each other anything, and we never hid anything from each other. But you...I've never seen you before and yet you came to visit Kaoru. Why on Earth would you do that?"

"Just tell him," Kaoru pleaded.

There was a pregnant pause in which the ice in Hikaru's glass of ice tea clinked. Haruhi sighed and shifted uncomfortable in her chair. She had her reasons for not telling Hikaru about his brother's ghost; one, he would realize that Kaoru was dead and that would make him distraught. Two, he would probably stay glued to her all the time, wanting her to act as a medium between him and Kaoru. She didn't think she could handle both the twin; Kaoru was difficult on his own.

"I was...a secret admirer," she finally said.

Hikaru blinked. "A secret admirer?" he repeated.

"Yes, I was really obsessed with Kaoru," she went on. "I knew I couldn't have him because I was just a commoner, so I was reduced to tagging him in secret. When I heard he was taken to the hospital, I had to come and see him because...well, I thought it just might be the last time I do."

She really couldn't begin to digest her own words, but Hikaru seemed to buy them. He laughed and patted her hand. "That's so cute!" he exclaimed. "Kaoru would be so amused to hear this. Man, I wish he were awake right now. He'd get such a hoot out of this."

Haruhi glanced at Kaoru, and he looked anything but amused. In fact, he looked quite angry with her. "Why won't you tell him?" he demanded. "You're so cruel, Haruhi."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm sure he would," she muttered, pulling her hand away.

Hikaru's expression fell. "Oh, I'm sorry, did I offend you?" he said. He looked genuine in his apology, and he sighed. "I'm really sorry. I just don't know how to deal with people anymore. Kaoru used to keep me in line, you know? Between the two of us, he's the calmer one, the more level-headed one. I feel at loss without him, y'know?"

"Hikaru..." Kaoru said softly.

Hikaru's shoulder slumped. "I don't know what I was hoping for," he murmured. "Please don't think I'm insane or something, but I was hoping that you were a psychic of some sort. Maybe Kaoru's spirit contacted you somehow and asked you to convey a message to me."

Haruhi gulped, and Kaoru thumped the air with his fist. "See! It was meant to be! Haruhi, you have to tell him that you do indeed have a message for him," he pleaded.

"Well, I'm not," she said firmly. She got up to her feet. "I really should get going now."

"Do you have to?" he whined, grabbing her hand. She shot him a quick glare, and he let go immediately. "I mean...I haven't talked to anyone about Kaoru in a while. Hell, I'm not talking to anyone at all. I've been avoiding the Host Club. I talk to Kyouya because I have to. This hospital belongs to his family after all, and it's only polite that I do him the common courtesy of conversation. I know you're a complete stranger, but I guess that's why I must be finding it easier to talk to you. That, and the fact that you're not showering me with pity like everyone else."

She sighed. "Look, I..." she started.

"Please?"

She shook her head. "I have to go home. I have things to do," she retorted. "Good luck with everything, Hikaru."

"Yeah...thanks," he said sadly. Behind him, Kaoru was glaring daggers at her.

_Don't let him guilt-trip you. Don't let him guilt-trip you. _She averted her eyes. "Bye then," she said, before turning on her heels and heading towards the door. Her stomach grumbled in protest, and she realized she hadn't even touched her brownie. _Damn. _She had barely made it to the door when he called her back. _Ugh, what now? _

"Come here a sec, Fujioka-kun, please," he was saying. "You have to see this."

Grudgingly, she turned around and trudged back to the table. "What is it?" she demanded.

He didn't say anything, and just pointed at his ice tea. The glass had perspired, allowing a certain someone to write on it. Haruhi's breath caught in her throat, and she saw Kaoru grinning smugly at her from across the table. The words on the glass read, _"Hey, Hikaru. I'm here. And Haruhi knows it."_

Hikaru smiled sweetly at her. "What do you have to say for yourself?" he asked.

She grumbled. "You two are such a pain."

**-**

**A/N: All done! Rawr, this chapter was annoying. I wanted to skip it and get to the next one, but of course, that wouldn't have made any sense to you. xD I'm going to try and get one more chapter in before the start of November, because I'm attempting NaNo again this year. Also, it's my birthday on Friday; reviews would be a lovely present! :3 **

_- S. N. B. _


	7. Chapter 7

**D/C: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club. **

**Hello! It's been a while, hasn't it? I apologize for this incredibly long wait, but I've spent the last few months working on my novel, writing, editing, hitting several writer blocks, cover designing, agent contacting... and I'm still not done. I've also graduated and have been on a job hunt for a while. But I was clearing out my folders yesterday and came across the sixth chapter, so I thought I'd just get at least one chapter out of the way. So here goes! Thank you all for your patience with me. I hope you enjoy reading chapter 7! **

**Channelling Kaoru **

**Chapter 7**

Haruhi was giving herself mental kick after mental kick for getting stuck in such a mess. She wished she could just walk away from everything, but that was impossible. Even better, she wished she had the gift of turning back time. Now that would've been a useful gift; it would've helped her avoid the twins altogether, and think of all the things she'd have been able to correct in her life. She and the twins had moved to a private room away from the ears of everyone else in the cafe, and now she sat at a table across from them, carefully trying to avoid eye contact.

"Is he really sitting next to me?" Hikaru asked for what seemed to be the hundredth time. He kept staring at the chair to his side, as if hoping his brother would suddenly materialize before him. "Is Kaoru really here?"

She sighed wearily. "Yes, Kaoru is sitting on the chair right next to you," she answered. She shot a furtive look at Kaoru, who had scooted closer to his brother and draped his arms around his shoulders. "In fact, he's hugging you right now."

Hikaru's eyes widened, and he felt around his shoulders for his brother's arms. Haruhi watched sadly as his hands passed through Kaoru's ghostly ones. However, Hikaru was grinning. He uttered a content sigh and reclined in his chair. Even Kaoru was looking apprehensive now.

"I can feel him," Hikaru murmured. "I can't explain it, but I can feel his arms around me."

"Hikaru..." Kaoru said softly. He glanced at Haruhi, his eyes brimming with tears. "Tell him that I miss him. Tell him how much I wish I could talk to him."

Haruhi strained to stifle a groan. She had been delivering his words to Hikaru for the last hour, and she was getting really tired of it. "He says he misses you," she told Hikaru. "And that he really wishes he could talk to you."

"Kaoru..." Hikaru murmured. "I miss you, too. I wish I could talk to you every single moment. No-one understands me the way you do, Kaoru."

"Tell him that I have yet to find a ghost who understands me like he does."

"What? I'm not saying that!"

"Tell him!"

Haruhi slammed her fists against the table. "No! Look, I'm not a medium between the two of you! I'm not going to be a messenger delivering your messages," she said, irritated. "This is why I didn't want Hikaru to know about this. I really do not need this sort of headache. Kaoru, we came here hoping that Hikaru will tell us something helpful. You know we're trying to figure out how to make you move on, and we can't-"

"Haruhi, shut up," Kaoru said through gritted teeth.

"No, I won't shut up! Do you want to remain a ghost forever? Because you have two choices now; you either move on or you remain a ghost. And I'm sorry to tell you that if you choose the latter I won't be around to help you. I don't need a ghost following me all the time!" she snapped.

"Haruhi, _shut up!_" he hissed, shooting a glance at Hikaru.

The expression on Hikaru's face was unreadable; it seemed as if he was still digesting the words that had been spoken in front of him. Haruhi realised that she must've probably said too much, and she clapped a hand to her mouth. Hikaru still thought that Kaoru was alive, so hearing all this from her probably didn't sit well with him. Kaoru glared at her, and she looked down in shame, pretending to be very interested in her fingernails.

"Kaoru has a third choice," Hikaru said quietly. "He has the choice of returning to his body."

Haruhi bit down on her bottom lip. She wanted to tell him that Kaoru didn't really have that choice, but she doubted he'd listen to her anyway. She glanced at Kaoru, and he shook his head, as if warning her against saying anything. He rubbed his brother's back soothingly.

She massaged her temples. "Look, I'm not going to act like a messenger between the two of you. I just can't do that," she muttered.

"Why not?" the twins asked at the same time.

"I just can't, there doesn't have to be a reason," she retorted.

"What do you mean, you can't? You can see Kaoru, you can talk to him, you are not physically incapable of forming speech, so you _can _do it," Hikaru replied.

"Oh, great, you're a literal person," Haruhi said, rolling her eyes. "Fine. In that case, _I don't want to be a messenger._"

"But why?"

"There's no reason!"

"There has to be a reason. You've got such a great gift right here and you should use it to help the less unfortunate, otherwise you're just selfish," Hikaru said. "If it were up to me, I would help anyone who came to me. I wouldn't have held back."

"You say that now, but you don't know how it feels," Haruhi said. She was gradually getting more and more irritated, and wanted nothing more than to get out of here. "You don't know how it feels to be the link between a ghost and a living person. You have no idea how much it hurts to relay their expressions of love and their words of goodbye. It's heart-breaking, and it makes me feel upset. It really drains me. And I feel..."

She stopped. She saw Kaoru and Hikaru staring at her now with sad expressions.

"You feel what, Haruhi?" Kaoru whispered.

"I feel... jealous," she said with a heavy sigh. She lowered her gaze and knotted her hands in her lap. "I feel jealous of all these people who get to talk to their loved ones, while I never get to talk to my mother. I would've loved to talk to her, just one last time, but she's never come to visit me. She moved on without so much as a goodbye. I guess that makes me sound like a bitter and cruel person, but I can't help it."

"Haruhi..."

She felt two pairs of arms wrapping around her. One pair was strong, while the other was faint, just barely there. She felt tears welling in her eyes a second time that day, but she forced them back. She didn't want to appear vulnerable again. But she didn't push them away either. She actually felt safe sitting there between the two of them, never mind that one was a ghost.

"I won't ask you for anything," Hikaru said when he finally let her go, though Kaoru remained clinging to her.

"No?" Haruhi found that difficult to believe.

"No," Hikaru replied, smiling. "I didn't see where you were coming from, and I shouldn't have imposed on you like that. If you feel like telling me something, I would really appreciate it, but I don't want you to feel compelled, all right?"

"All right..." she said uncertainly.

He chuckled. "I'm not a bad person, Haruhi."

"I didn't say that," she said heatedly. "And you're not making me feel guilty about it either! I'm leaving."

She got up and left the room without even a second look. She could feel their eyes watching her, boring into her, beseeching her to come back and help them out. But she couldn't pay attention to them. She had acted as a messenger before, and it was painful every single time; the twins weren't any different. Why should they be any different? They could be different, but that didn't change anything. They would still be a hassle to her; after all, they were twins! Twins! And a pair of damn rich twins at that. She couldn't deal with that. She had to focus on her studies so she'd keep up her scholarship. She just couldn't afford to lose it.

She reached the main door and placed her hand on the cool metal handle. She hesitated momentarily, but then she pushed it open and left.

* * *

Kaoru couldn't believe Haruhi left.

For a while after she walked out, he had stared fixedly at the door, knowing almost certainly that Haruhi would return. But several minutes passed and there was still no sign of her. He glanced at his brother, who was staring at the door as well. He looked as if he was compelling Haruhi to return to the room with the power of his mind. Even though he had said that it was okay if she didn't act as a messenger, Kaoru knew that his brother really wanted her to be one.

Hikaru sighed and rested his head against his folded arms on the table. He was quiet for a moment, then Kaoru heard sniffling. Alarmed, he hurried around to look at his brother and saw that he was crying.

Kaoru's heart broke at the sight. "Hikaru..."

He wanted to hug him. He wanted to wrap his arms around Hikaru and hold him. He couldn't stand seeing his brother cry. It was painful, especially since he knew that Hikaru was probably crying over him. He also felt rather conflicted; as much as he was angry at Haruhi for walking away, he was also quite understanding of the reason behind her refusal to help them. He knew he would be jealous too.

Hikaru lifted his head slowly. "Kaoru, are you there?" he whispered, and Kaoru wanted to say yes. He wanted to, but he knew his brother wouldn't hear him even if he did, so he just bit his lip and fought back bitter tears. "Kaoru, if you're still here... then I want you to know that I'll do whatever it takes to bring you back."

Kaoru was silent. It hurt him to hear this. Hikaru didn't know that there was no way he could be brought back. Or maybe he knew, but he was forcing himself to believe otherwise.

Hikaru took in a deep breath. "I will bring you back, and things will go back to normal," he continued. "I know everyone thinks that you're gone, but they're all wrong. I'll show them that they're wrong."

Kaoru had to get out of here. He couldn't stand to listen to his brother anymore. As much as he missed him, he needed to block out all these false hopes. He drifted towards the door and reached for the door handle, then chuckled when he remembered that no doors can block him. He cast one last look at his brother before passing through the door, only to come face to face with Haruhi.

He stared at her, at the look of furious determination on her face. "H-haruhi!" he spluttered. "What are you doing here?"

"I'll be your messenger, but only because I want you to move on as soon as possible," she said quickly. Her eyes were flashing, her face was pink and her chest was heaving rapidly. "I just have one condition. I want to tell Hikaru that you're dead."

"Okay."

"Because I can't do this if Hikaru isn't fully aware of... wait what? Okay?" she said, staring at him. "Really?"

"Yeah, I thought it might be better if he didn't know, but I can't stand it either, so... okay," he said.

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Let's do this."

* * *

**A/N: Done! I'll try to update sooner next time, but I can't promise anything. I'm really incredibly busy these days and can't afford to spend time on anything but work. Either way, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**- **_S. N. B. _


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